My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
And then my night got REAL pukey
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
