Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
we're making bets on your personal life
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
