shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
