Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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