Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I want to be your penis for a week.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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