My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
