I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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