Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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