First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
