I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
4 words: hood of his car
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
