i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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