My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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