girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
