Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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