guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
