Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Randomize
