hotel room ftw
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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