what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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