i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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