Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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