man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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