got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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