Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
