i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You were trust falling into bushes
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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