JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
my liver is dry heaving
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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