Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
