You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
