What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
