How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
