We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
