she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
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