I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
