Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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