She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
