I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
