Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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