I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
