Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
