pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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