if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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