Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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