I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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