i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
