we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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