they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
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