That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
