Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
