I just saw a hot homeless man
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
