thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
