i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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