you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
