I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
