my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
