it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Can I color on your dick again?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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