fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Mom said you looked used
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
