I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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