I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
