i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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