Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize