my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
