i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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