I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
it hurts more in the daytime
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize