Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize