we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
The Olympian is in my bed
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
