How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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