yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
