We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
where are my eyebrows?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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