Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
