i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
