Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
