I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
