We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
